I’m not one for being overtly political right on my own front page, but given the excessive hyperbole that’s been tossed around in an election year I felt the need to mention something disturbing. Well, that and the hope that someday we can bottle Raw Unfiltered Conjecture® and sell it as a commodity, ’cause this country seems to be damn good at producing it.

What disturbs me, though, is not the race to the extremes (seriously… do you really believe that Obama’s one-word slogan “Forward” is subliminal Marxism? Are you that deluded?). No, what disturbs me is how we drive this extremism into our children on an institutional level.

All Things Lead To The Bomb

I recently had the “pleasure” of judging a high school debate tournament at Harvard. Believe me, I use the term “pleasure” in the same manner a reviewer refers to Jack White’s “singing”. I spent that day in something close to my own personal hell, listening to teenagers explain why everything from unmanned aerial drones to relaxing trade restrictions on China would lead to the extinction of all life on Earth.

No, seriously, that’s where every line of reasoning ended up. You see, in Junior High and High School Debate, the kids are taught that the severity of the consequences helps prove their point. Thus, every goddamned argument leads to nuclear annihilation. I know, I just lamented hyperbole three paragraphs ago, but I’m not making this up. I wish I were. They teach these kids to go straight for the “we’re all gonna die” card so that their arguments will carry more weight.

Six Degrees of Extinction

It’s not debate, it’s the Nuclear Holocaust Kevin Bacon Game. Every one of those kids played the same angle: go from initial argument to the destruction of all mankind in as few steps as reasonably possible. Why? Because that’s what they’re taught to do. Repealing “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” will indeed cause World War III.

Now ask yourself this: How many of your future congressmen, senators, presidents, political strategists, attorneys, and maybe even investigative journalists went through debate classes as a child? With the way this sprint-to-the-extreme mindset is institutionalized, is anyone surprised that all we ever see in public discourse are scare tactics and exaggeration?

The only difference between High School Debate at Harvard and what we see every election year are that the kids are forced to do exhaustive research before they open their mouths.

General Ebel’s Advice

Remember what all these political assclowns running for office or analyzing on network news have been trained to do since they were 13 years old- scare you into believing anything they say.