Is Prodo-1 Building an Artificial Me?

Prodo-1, Artificial Stupidity Engineer Apparently my robot buddy, Prodo-1, has been asking some questions of my email list (the Robot Army). I think he might be trying to replace me with some kind of artificial intelligence (or artificial stupidity like Prodo-2). Either way, I support the experiment. At least he’s got a hobby, right?

The best part, though, has been reading some of the responses. Normally I’d cover one or two during my weekly live streams, but there are so many good answers pouring in I wanted to share some with you…

What’s the crazy plot-twist at the end of Matthew Ebel: The Movie?

We find out that Prodo-2 is actually a malfunctioning coffee maker.

Matthew is actually a synthetic organism made up of panda and avian DNA. It turns out his overarching goal was not, in fact, global domination of the music industry. But was instead to open a collection of bamboo emporiums.

After a long, exhausting battle, Matthew finds himself besieged by the Roosterman Menace, trapped in an ancient underground temple somewhere in the Chihuahuan Desert with nothing more than the clothes on his back. Using his knowledge of thaumic resonant energies, Matthew infuses a nearby hawk with superpowers and a massive size. The hawk uses his newfound eye lasers and fire breath to repel the enemy forces, and then offers his help to end the attacks of the evil chicken-people upon our Planet Earth by serving as Matthew’s steed. And so, they ride, Matthew and the hawk winning every battle as they push towards their enemies’ base: The Egg of Pernicious Poultry. In the end, Matthew and the hawk dive-bomb into the enemy chambers, setting off a mighty blaze of fireworks and glory, which destroys The Egg and all within. The world writes him off as dead, honoring the sacrifice made that day… but the hero Matthew lives yet!

I have to admit, if that last one is just the twist at the end, it’s gonna be a LONG movie. Also, an alarming number of you assumed that I’d tear off my mask and reveal myself to be either a robot or a bird. Or a robot bird. Anyhoo, Prodo has apparently been gathering data on all of you as well. Like this gem:

When the lab finished experimenting on YOU, what was your new superpower?

The ability to fully understand all British humour.

The ability to lightly chill things on command.

The ability to bullshit papers for college.
-Chris Laurence

Crippling anxiety.
-Very Anonymous

Oh well, whatever Prodo-1 is up to, I hope he doesn’t actually give anyone magical powers of… um… crippling anxiety. But if you’d like to be a part of the experiment, don’t forget to join the Robot Army. I’m sure he’s got more questions for us meat-based beings.

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