Political intrigue? Starship battles? Secret Agent Space Werewolves? I’m totally there.

If you want to hear my performance of the book, it’s now available for FREE over at PodioBooks. Yup, free! I’m still working on the book’s sequel right now, so that one should be following it soon.

That being said, I wish Pandora Radio offered a few things that would make this artist supremely happy.

1. Analytics. Who is thumbing my music up? Who’s skipping it? What stations are my songs appearing in? What kind of people are listening to my music in the first place? Where are they located? I have no freaking idea, but I’m sure Pandora knows. They’ve got to. Hell, I’d pay a modest monthly fee for access to the kind of detailed listener info (anonymized of course) they’re obviously collecting for advertisements.
2. More indie artists on major label stations. I listen to the Foo Fighters channel. A lot. I mean constantly. I have never heard a single independent band on that station. Is Pandora trying to tell me that there are simply NO indie bands that sound like the Foo Fighters in their system? None at all? I seriously doubt it. Take the risk, P, and throw in some unknowns between The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Audioslave sometime. Maybe make it a slider in a preference list somewhere… “How much new/unknown material should we add to your stations?”
3. Concert announcements. You know where I’m listening and you give that info to advertisers. Why not add another option that’d benefit listeners AND bands, letting them announce local concerts? Think about it… A band pays a fee for concert promotion in a certain area, sends a recording announcing the specific venue, time, and ticket location, and that announcement plays once or twice per hour (or per listening session, whatever) immediately before one of that band’s songs. Again, make it a checkbox in the preferences for paying users… “Let me know about upcoming concerts in my area for artists I’ve thumbed up.”
4. Band bumpers. Just like the concert announcements, I’d love to hear Dave Grohl’s voice saying “Hey this is Dave Grohl with the Foo Fighters and we think you’ll really like this next song from our new album, ‘Back and Forth’.” You know, add a little HUMANITY to the music and give artists a chance to pay you money to speak directly to the fans. And, once again, paying users could turn this off if they wanted.

That’s all that comes to mind right now, but I think most of these suggestions could actually help raise the bottom line and keep Pandora running… while at the same time giving listeners something they actually want… more of a connection with the artists they like.

Today I learned that the woman responsible for extending my vocal range by an octave or better has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My father sent me an article from the local paper about a benefit concert- tonight -for Marge Halvorson. I haven’t spoken to her in years, but the impression she made on my life- and my career -may never be fully appreciated.

Marge kicked my ass, vocally speaking. She simply wouldn’t allow me to be lazy or develop bad habits, at least not while I was in her office or rehearsing for a performance. She saw talent in me even at age 17 when she cast me in a Spokane Opera production- my first time on stage as an opera singer.

Marge taught me how to breathe. You think you already know how to do that? Bullshit. You’re doing it wrong. Maximizing one’s singing potential means maximizing that airbag capacity. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t born with perfect posture and I had to re-learn everything from standing upright to holding my head a certain way. And it is all important.

Marge taught me that the pronunciation of a German word is far less important than what the word means. Or any word, for that matter. Why would I sing one syllable louder than another, or hold it longer? Was it intentional, or was I just going with the flow of the language? What matters most is the message you are trying to convey through song, not the rigors of proper diction.

Marge made it possible for me to hit a high C.

Most important to me, Marge helped shape me at a time when I was an uncertain, socially awkward class clown with a tendency to be a selfish prick. She didn’t care, I’m sure she’s dealt with worse.

The kinds of people that teach others to be creative are a special, immortal class of humanity. I’ve said before that the greatest compliment you can pay me is that my music inspired you to create something of your own. Well, thanks to the creative people I’ve met in my life, I am a full-time performing artist. I can sing with confidence (even if my pitch isn’t always perfect). I am ten times the performer I was when I first met Marge and I know I’m not alone.

Tonight there will be a concert (which I wish I could attend) where a small fraction of the people she’s helped will pay tribute to her with their voices. These are the people, like myself, who are the embodiment of Marge’s immortality. Every note we sing is a thank-you to the woman that made it sound better.

Last weekend another friend passed away due to a rare form of cancer. She wasn’t someone I knew well, but my room mate had been friends with her for well over a decade. When I met Liana, I was wearing nothing but a corset, panties, and a cape. No, seriously, the first time I met her she was playing Riff-Raff and putting the “Boss” tattoo on my arm for a production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The makeup has worn off, but she has left an indelible mark on me. I know she has left a deeper mark on my room mate and most of her friends as well.

Her spirit and creativity have outlived her body.

So, for Marge and Liana, thank you. Your voices will never be silenced as long as I’ve still got one.

The concert was scheduled for 90 minutes, but at least an hour of that was all music and applause breaks. How the heck was I supposed to tell a 200-page story in less than half an hour? Actually, I (like you) have been practicing condensed storytelling for years thanks to a 140-character limit on certain communication media. What I didn’t expect, however, was how this process would change the story.

We’ve all been there: Writing a brilliant tweet, but it comes out to about 250 characters.

The process of paring a thought down to fit an arbitrary container is frustrating, sometimes maddening. After all, if I didn’t mean all those words, why would I have written them? Yet as I started trimming each chapter down into just a few bullet points, I had to perform some painful artistic triage. The question that keeps popping up again and again is “what am I trying to SAY here?” I had, at most, 5 minutes between each song to explain a chapter that could be up to 40 pages.

Trimming those tweets down to the magic 140 (or less if you’re adding links, photos, etc.) is the jogging track for creative editing that you never knew you were on. The exercise of saying what you mean instead of whatever comes to mind is one that strengthens your storytelling potential. In fact, it can even broaden your vocabulary as you try to combine three words into one.

But as I condensed I realized that, for all the words I had barfed onto the manuscript, I had been missing key concepts that made for a much more compelling story. When presented with the bullet points of what I’d actually written, they often pointed to a concept I had either misarticulated or missed entirely.

It’s like mixing a song with a hundred instruments, then muting everything but the vocals, bass, and drums to find the foundation again.

In the end, I found with a better story than the one I’d written before taking the stage. Who knows, maybe I should condense each chapter into a single bullet point. A tweet. A word. Imagine that: A twelve-word novella. Maybe that’s some kind of bullshit zen ideal, maybe it’s just an academic exercise, but if Twitterization helped me this much, I’m willing to give it a shot.

I’ll be updating the Matthew Ebel dot com Store to include downloadable videos soon! So far the only inventory I’ve got are two FWA concert videos, one from 2010 and one from 2013, but as we shoot more performances I’ll put them up there!

People keep asking if I’m going to release another DVD. Seriously, why would I do that? It’s in standard def, which is so 2005. Besides, most of you have enough bandwidth to download high def concert footage and play it on your various devices anyway, so I’ve made an executive decision (you know, captain’s prerogative).

Of course, my Matthew Ebel dot net members will still get these downloads immediately as part of their All-Access or higher subscriptions. Everyone else will be able to buy them a la carte once the members get their copy. And, just like every other download from the Matthew Ebel dot com Store, there’s no DRM on any of this stuff.

As always, let me know what you think. And thanks again for your support!

We’re about to host a little bike tune-up party at my place in the next week or two and I wanted to share my list of absolute necessities (other than a bike and a helmet, of course) that I just don’t want to travel without. Yeah, this is a list of affiliate links, but I’m not kidding when I say that every single one of these items goes with me when I’m pedaling. If you don’t want to throw a little support my way, just save this page and take it to your local bike store as a shopping list.

The Patch Kit

Average Price: $1-4
Bike tires are tough, but inner tubes are not. They have a tendency to develop weaknesses by just sitting in the garage over the winter, so you never know when you might develop a flat. You could be miles away from any bike shops, taxis, or phone service (depending on how hardcore your biking gets). Also, you really don’t want the embarrassment of having to truck your bike home because of a tiny pinhole.

I used to think bike patch kits were like raft or air-mattress patch kits- a tube of goop and some rubber circles that would take over an hour to cure. NOPE. A solid patch kit is nothing more than a tiny square of sandpaper and some stickers. The repair doesn’t need to outlast the bike, it just needs to last the rest of the day. Let’s be honest… if you get a repairable flat while out riding, you’re just going to replace that tube ASAP anyway. And speaking of which…

The Spare Tube

Average Price: $5-10
Seriously, this is as indispensable as your helmet. Would you drive without a spare tire? I wouldn’t either. That’s like traveling to the next star system without a reserve charge for the BMF drive (assuming you pilot the same spacecraft I do). I just wish that, as far as tires go, my van’s spare tire could fold up like one of these. See the picture? See how small they are? Trust me, there’s room in your pack to bring one along, I’ve needed a spare more than a few times.

But wait… didn’t you just buy a patch kit? Hopefully yes… but if the tire is damaged by a tear or a blowout, no sticker will fix that. Also, you really can’t repair damage around the valve stem. The patch kit is a lifesaver, but it’s only the first line of defense.

This, however, is a finicky item: NOT ALL TUBES ARE THE SAME. Your rim size is probably 26″, but are you sure? How wide are your tires? Do you need a Schrader valve (like your car tires) or one of those annoying Presta valves? Make sure you go to your bike and read what’s printed on the tires before buying a spare tube. Take a look at the valve stem too, the two standards look totally different so it shouldn’t be hard to match the picture to what’s on your bike.

The Pump

Average Price: $10-40
If you’ve just fixed a flat, obviously you’ll need something to put air back in that tire. Pumps are cheap, tiny, and can be mounted right onto the frame so you don’t have to carry them in your pack. Actually, if you don’t have a suspension seat, you can even buy pumps that double as your seat post, though those aren’t nearly as common.

One important thing to look for, once again, is the type of valve your tires use. The Schrader vs. Presta merit debate is pretty pointless (besides, everyone knows they only put Presta valves on mountain bikes to make them look more expensive). What I’d recommend when buying a pump is just get one with a built-in adapter that’ll let you do both. After all, bailing out a stranger who forgot his pump is a good way to make friends.

The Tool

Average Price: $12-30
There isn’t much you can’t adjust on a mountain bike if you have a 5mm Hex Wrench, Flathead Screwdriver, and Phillips Screwdriver. The tool I use actually has a chain repair tool and spoke tools as well, though thankfully I haven’t needed them yet. True, your average Leatherman or other pliers-based multi-tool goes a long way too, but just the hex wrenches alone will save your bacon when something comes apart in the middle of the woods.

And there are MANY sizes/configurations to chose from…

The Tire Levers

Average Price: $2-4
The tire lever is basically just a durable plastic wedge that helps pry the tire off your bike and force it back into the rim again. But wait, couldn’t you just use a screwdriver or a plastic knife? Yeah… if your rims and tires are easy to work with. On my main ride, Frankenstein, I can almost change tires without any tools at all. On my electric bike, The Myxercycle, it takes an act of Congress (or a couple of tire levers) just to get the tire unseated. Also, not knowing how to change a tire or tube by yourself is as idiotic as driving a car without knowing how to change a tire. You… DO know how to change a car tire, right?

They come in many flavors, but the key thing you want to look for is a tab or hook designed to brace the lever against one of the spokes. This lets you keep one part of the tire in place while a second tire lever works the rest of the tire back into the rim.

The Thing You Carry All This Crap In

Average Price: $15-50
Got a backpack for biking season? Stop right there, you’re covered. I, however, prefer a dedicated little pouch for my bike-specific must-haves. Everything but my pump lives in this little wedge that rides under my ass and never leaves the bike. It’s the only way I can be sure I won’t forget something important. How big a bag you need really depends on your preference, but if you’re trying to stay super-light, the little wedge pack is a perfect fit.

If you’re planning to carry groceries or a tackle box or something more substantial, you’ll need something a little more involved, but you’ll have to do your own shopping there, I’m just here to cover the absolute necessities. There’s only one last item I’d call a strongly-recommended option…

Recommended: Things To Fix Yourself With

I’ll leave the size, contents, and packaging for this one up to your discretion. While not an absolute biking necessity, it’s come in handy at least twice. Pavement scrapes, tree branches, poison ivy, bee stings, and the obvious cuts and bruises are pretty typical. Last season we ended up patching some guy went headfirst into the pavement (with a helmet, thank God) and got a pretty deep head wound over his eyebrow from his sunglasses. You never know what kind of emergency you’ll encounter, so I just bring my hiking kit with me in my backpack. It’s not that heavy and there’s always room on my back for some peace of mind.

Anything Else?

I’m sure there are hardcore bikers out there who bring spare chains, brake pads, and the like. The city bikers will obviously need a headlight and tail light if they’re riding at night, but this is an off-road list. I don’t want to give people the impression that they need a pile of stuff just to go for a spin, but I honestly wouldn’t go more than a block from my house without everything I listed here. Did I miss anything essential?