Music and Lyrics © Matthew Ebel Entertainment

We know that it’s that time of year when families come together
to sing and laugh and eat too much and gripe about the weather.
It’s Christmas, but I’m sad to say we’re in a situation;
we can’t come home until the end of our incarceration.

(Alien gibberish)

We’re far from family but still the locals treat us kindly.
The guards are cheerful even though they’re ordered to confine me.
The aliens across from us got nicked for snowball fighting,
they made us earwax candles to provide some festive lighting.

In this cozy prison cell, from all the inmates and my crew,
merry Christmas from cell block two.
Merry Christmas from cell block two.

Who stole baby Jesus from Oog’s nativity set, huh?

The mobsters down in cell block one sent us a pile of fishes
and someone swiped the warden’s credit card to buy us dishes.
We tried to start some caroling but no one dared to sing.
We asked what Santa Claus looked like but no one saw a thing.

Our Yule log was courtesy of Blarg who’s in for arson,
although he swears his crime’s impersonation of a parson.
Our neighbor’s from a distant world, he’s serving 10-20.
He gifted us a shiv to cut the cake ’cause he’s got plenty.

We know we won’t be here for long-
like everyone that’s in here, we did nothing wrong.
We hope that we’ll be out before it gets too late,
but in or out we plan to celebrate.

We made nog in our commode but no one wants to drink it.
(I guess we could’ve used the sink but no one thought to think it.)
We had a tree with ornaments and tinsel colored gold
but yesterday it disappeared, they say it made parole…

from this cozy prison cell, from all the inmates and my crew,
merry Christmas from cell block two.
Merry Christmastime from all of us to all of you…

Hey, #4255, keep it down in there!
(Sorry!)

…Merry Christmas from cell block two.