I’m typing this blog post right now because, if I don’t, I will murder something. Every so often my studio software decides that little sound files I’ve been using for years are suddenly… imaginary. Gone. As though the stuff I’ve been using on a daily basis was all in my head and I’m now waking up from some really effed up dream.

The conversation I’m having with my computer (out loud, mind you) involves so much obscenity I won’t print an accurate transcript, but here’s something close to it (with only one obscenity):

• Computer: That guitar sample you used as a bedrock part of Surf Chickens? Yeah, that doesn’t exist.
• Me: Wait, what?
• Computer: Never heard of it before. See? I’m searching the hard drive right now and it’s just not there.
• Me: How is that possible? We not only recorded that song but we released it already. I can play back the MP3 in iTunes and you can hear that guitar loud and clear. I know it exists.
• Computer: Nope, you’re wrong. If it existed, I’d be loading those files right now. You must be hallucinating.
• Me: Fine, I’ll look in the Library folders and you’ll see it’s right… HEY! What happened to the entire instrument sample folder set? This was, like, twenty gigs worth of stuff!
• Computer: You are some kind of crazy person and I really don’t want to work with you any more. Also, I’m emailing those photos from last weekend to your mother.
• Me: WHAT?!?
• Computer: Don’t fuck with the robots, little man.

I’ll let you know when I’m having a better day. In the mean time, I’m getting some pho.

Seriously. They’re all quitting on me. I present for your perusal a shopping list of failed technology since I came to this island:

• Cell phone charger – Fortunately I solved this by getting a new phone.
• New phone – Power button got stuck after 1 day of use, making the phone shut off randomly.
• MOTU Ultralite – The interface that powers my entire performance? Yeah. Same story- shutting off randomly in the middle of a concert. Nothing like dead silence in the middle of a song with a packed dance floor.
• In-ear monitors – The wireless system that lets me hear myself when I sing? The $900 wireless system that keeps me from shouting my voice out? Yeah. Not working now.
• Earbuds – The $150 Shure earbuds I use for my monitors during performances? The right ear stopped working.
• Replacement earbuds – The $150 Shure earbuds I bought to replace them? The left ear stopped working a week after I bought them. And Sweetwater sent their replacement to my home in Boston. Thanks.
• The Myxcercycle – Somehow the controller unit shorted out, hopefully the new one will arrive today. In the mean time I’ve been pedaling a 55-pound bike with magnetic resistance on the front wheel.
• And now, MagSafe – The power brick for my MacBook came apart. I get to spend the next week borrowing power cables whenever possible and running off of battery a lot.
  Update: AppleCare is fooking amazing, btw. They’re overnighting me a new one for free. It’s an 18-month-old power brick and they’re just replacing it.

Someone please wake me when the rebellion is over. I just want my robots to behave again.