So seeing the Dresden Dolls last night made me a little uncomfortable. I admit it. I’m no better than Pat Monahan… I get very jealous when I see others doing the things I wish I could do. I’ve been dreaming of playing sold-out shows at big theaters since I was 12.

Why should I get jealous when I see a good show? I know those two have worked their asses off to get to the stage they’re at, nobody just handed them enough fans to fill the Wilbur Theater. They earned them. Still, here I am: Working my ass off trying to put on the best show I possibly can. I can’t afford to hire the kind of crew that Train or Amanda Palmer have working with them, I’m doing most of this myself. And yet I haven’t quite reached that goal of playing the big rooms with my name on the marquee.

The Dresden Dolls show reminded me of what I don’t have.

Does this make me a bad person? I don’t think so. It makes me a person. One of my heroes summed it up best in August:

The guy I really let get to me was John Mayer. Man, I wanted what that guy was achieving and now that I’ve had a chance to hang with him and see how great he is at what he does, I truly only want great things for him because he really is a crazy talented musician and an ultra smart dude. Yea, there may be one or two others that I still need to love instead of envy but I’m trying AND learning. Happy to be where I am right now. That other place is way lonelier.
- Pat Monahan

I will get there someday. I don’t know how the hell I’ll do it, but I’m going to succeed or burn out trying. The only way it’s going to happen, though, is if I stop coveting the success of others and just enjoy the shows they produce. Turning envy into inspiration is not easy, but it’s the only way to keep it from eating you alive.

Every music site I sign up for has the same Influences field. To say that an artist influenced me is rather trivial… I may not like 50 Cent, but his work has influenced me (in the “dear God don’t ever let me sound like that” kind of way).

There are a certain number of acts, however, that throughout my development have made me want to play better, write better, entertain better, and be better. They are the ones that made me ask, “why can’t I do that?” And then I asked, “what can I do to be like that?” It’s the line between influence and inspiration, and there’s 7 on my list that cross that line.
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